Thursday, June 23, 2011

Eternal Journal Entries (ad if you're bored)

Tonight is the eve of Lou Bear's birthday.  She will be 7-years-old tomorrow.  As I have written before, on the eve of our children's birthdays we always share their birth story with them.  They are adopted, so that looks a little different to us.  Shoot, the last time I blogged about my baby girl's birthday was when she turned FOUR!  How sad is that?!

Well, tonight I was starting to reflect on what an incredible blessing she is, when I remembered my journal!!  I have a journal with letters to the kids before they were born.  They are prayers, hopes, thoughts, rants etc.  They also help me remember, and if you know my memory...this is a very good thing.

So, my longing for child #2 started shortly after Christmas 2003!  (K-Dog was a really good baby)  I just had to share God's faithfulness...
Dear Little One, 
Do you know that I love you already?  Do you know that God loves you?  I cannot wait to hold you in my arms one day.  I can't wait for K-Dog to meet you, he will be a wonderful big brother.  I pray that God will allow you two to be close and that you will get along well together.  Oh, precious child, may God protect you as you grow...whenever that may be.  I pray that your birthmom loves you.  I pray that she knows that there is a Father our that that she can lean on during scary times...a loving, faithful Father she can turn to when she feels afraid and alone.  I hope you are a joy to her and you will be to us.  I excited and a little bit scared to be your mommy.  Oh, sweet one, you are loved.  

Dear Precious Child,
I can sleep tonight because I am thinking about you.  I'm wondering whether you will be a boy or a girl.  I talked to the social worker at LSS, she said there would be a class coming up soon and that we could get our profile in.  However, she said that there weren't a lot of women placing right now, so it may be a while.  That's okay, but I was kind of disappointed to hear that.  I wonder what your disposition will be like.  Will you be super sweet like your little brother or will you be a spitfire?  
Oh, Sweet One, I just pray so often that you will be healthy.  I pray that your birthmom is taking care of herself and of you.  I pray that she is talking to you and loving you.  I pray that you will know love right away. My love for you is already so great.  I can't wait to meet you.  God is is with you.
Love, Mommy

Dear Precious Child,
We started the process today!!  We signed up for a workshop!!  Once we finish the process we can submit a profile and become a waiting family.  Little one, I love you so much already.  I can't wait to hold you.  I pray for you every day.

Dear Little One,
Every day we get closer.  We are working on our profile!!  Once we submit it, we become a waiting family.  Oh, baby, you are so wanted, you are so loved.  I pray that you relationship with your big brother will be strong.  I pray that your mommy and daddy with be a good example of a godly marriage.  I can't wait to touch your hands and feet and kiss your forehead.  I just love you so much.  I pray that you are safe and growing stong and healthy if you are already growing.  Remember, God is with you always.  
Love, Mommy

It's mommy.  I was cleaning out some cupboards today and I saw some bottles and formula.  I thought, maybe I will get to use these again, soon.  Oh, I do so pray that is the case.  I hope we don't have to wait long for you.  I trust the Lord's timing, but I am so anxious to meet you.  I pray your birthmommy is safe and cared for.  I pray sometimes that you are a girl.  I would be fine with a little fella, but sometimes my selfish heart wants a little girl.  Oh, who am I kidding, I will take you if you are a green boy!!  I will love you so much...I already love you. 

A couple more entries on 2/27, 3/4, 3/5 saying much of the same

Dear Child,
I am thinking about you a lot lately.  For some reason, I am imagining you are a girl.  I also have been praying that you will love your birthmom.  I pray that we will always remain close with her.  I pray that when you are older, you will embrace the fact that you are adopted an that you will LOVE being adopted.  I so want to be an example of that for you.  Oh, how I want to be an example of a Godly woman for you.  I pray every day that I can be the kind of woman my children can be proud of...I want you to see Jesus in me.  I love you my sweet.

Hi there Little One,
I have been praying for you.  Lord, let this child grow healthily and strong.  Father, protect our little one.  Cover her birthmom with your love and protect them both with your Holy Spirit.  I pray for your birthmom.  I hope she knows that she is loved by you, and by us.  I pray that she is taking care of herself, not just for the baby but because she is worth it.  She is YOUR child, God.  Love her Lord, help her to know You, love You and lean on You.  Lord, help her to love this little baby, show her that her decision is a good one and that we will never let our children forget their birthmoms.  Thanks for BOTH of them...what a blessing they are. 
I love you little one,
Love Mommy

WE GOT OUR PROFILE IN!!!  WE ARE A WAITING FAMILY!!!  I stopped by LSS yesterday.  The birthmom counselor said they have 3 or 4 birthmoms currently looking at profiles.  She also said that they are all pregnant with girls!!  Hmmmmmm...could I even dream that one of those birthmoms could be carrying our baby?!?!  I know, I know, settle down!!  Well, whatever the case we are starting to move Big Brother into his big boy room.  I mean, you never know things could go quickly?!  I pray that your birthmom is talking to you, singing to you and loving you.  I pray that she has support.  I pray that she knows that she can lean on God and trust Him if she feels scared.  Lord, you are faithful and I trust you.  

Mommy's been busy teaching.  While I haven't written much, I have been praying a lot!  We are starting to prepare the nursery and get things ready.  K-Dog moved to his big boy bed, so there is a crib should God decide that you will join our family soon.  I know it will happen in God's time.  God will find you for us and get you ready for us in HIS time.  I pray you are safe and loved.  

YESTERDAY we received a phone call from LSS!!!  They said a birthmom had chosen our profile!!!!!!!!  Oh, my word, what if I'm not ready!!  I was so calm when I talked to her, but now, I am so freaked out.  Here are the details we know:
BM - 22-years old, red hair, lives with her family (who is very supportive of the adoption) caucasian.
BF - Older, cannot support a baby, still with birthmom, african american.  
Your due date is in July we are going to meet your birthparents on June 1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, if you made it this far you get a gold star.  I am not really even sure why I shared this, but my heart felt like someone needed to read it.  I have no idea who would even GO to all that trouble, but I know this.  God, is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!  I cannot believe how many prayers have been answered.

The Bear's first mommy is still very much a part of our lives. little GIRL is more precious than I could even believe.  I am so, incredibly humbled to call her my daughter and I am SO awe struck at God's faithfulness.

Thank you Lord for adoption!!!!!!!!

Isaiah 25:1

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