Monday, December 14, 2009

False Gods

Okay, it's been a while I know. But, this is so good, it will be worth the wait.

Here's the scoop: K-manINSISTS upon pointing to everything with his middle finger.
*"Mom, Mom, look!" I look over and see him pointing at something. I have no idea what he is pointing at because I cannot get past the fact that he is pointing with his middle finger.

* When he reads he points with his middle finger.
* When he looks in magazines he points with his middle finger.
* Without fail, he keeps using his middle finger.
I think to myself, "Eh, this will go away, relax, no big whoop!"
* It doesn't go away.
*Every. Single. Day. He points with his middle finger.
So, I decide it's time to try and put a stop to it. My tactic is not to reveal the meaning behind the middle finger, rather to enhance and puff up the ol' pointer finger.

I say, "K-man, are you aware that God made a special finger just for pointing?! In fact, it's called a pointer finger." I raise my digit to show the appropriate one, then I take his little hand and show him where it is on his hand. "K-man, you should really use that finger to point. That finger is feeling a little left out because you keep using the other one." He looks at me, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Hokay!" I breathe a sigh of relief. Just to make sure he's got it down I reiterate that the pointer finger is really better for pointing than the middle finger. He quips, "Mom, it's also your light finger!!" Confused I query, "Huh?" He grins, "You know like the song, 'This Little Light of Mine!" Ahhhhhh, yes, now I understand. "YES! It is the same finger, good thinkin' buddy."

Next day...
*He points to the cupboard with his middle finger. I remind him.
*He reads pointing to the words with his middle finger. I remind him again.
* He points to the stars with his middle finger. I remind him yet again and even add, "Sweetie, use the finger God made for pointing. The middle finger really isn't a good finger." That's all I say.

Well, SOMEWHERE along the line the K-Dog became very confused in his theology. Whilst we were dining in Zaxby's he points to his cup and says, "Look guys, a chicken!" Exasperated I say "K-man, use your pointer finger!" And he says "OH, sorry, sorry, sorry, I know, I know, I know!" and he holds up both middle fingers, flails them in the air and shouts accenting each word with his middle finger, "I should NEVER bow down to false gods!"

At this point the waitress walks by and Ken and I are laughing SO hard. I mean, I am cackling so loud people are staring. Finally, I choke out, "WHAT?! What do you mean?!" Perplexed he says, "Well, I gotta use my God finger, not my false god finger." With a very solemn face he warns, "One should never bow down to false gods."

Oh. My. Word. I have no idea how it went so awry, but now when he points with his middle finger all we have to say is, "false gods" and he switches to his pointer finger. Problem solved!